Israblog blogger published poem:
"The reason why I can not stay
I had to let you go
After what you did
I can not stay ...
And perhaps I'll feel much better ignored ...
Much time you made me believe
Your love all mine Forever
Tent did not know it was all a sham
And perhaps I'll feel much better ignored
I must say it did not like it used to
And I'm not going to play your games more
After what you did, I can not stay.
And perhaps I'll feel much better ignored ...."
Disputes with our partners is common, especially as this is a healthy relationship. We maybe a little less but parity and intrigue fueled fights. The reason is simple, briefly blocking the possibility that your spouse looks for granted, or forget that he has preferences and principles. In any conflict it is important that both sides will clarify their position and what ails them. The real problem these conflicts is that we are tempted too fast to even get a voice lifts stinging phrases that contribute to resolving the conflict but only hits him. So how is it possible to fight and restrained on the one hand, and on the other side also put our position very well and achieve maximum understanding of our spouse? Actually thought the two things contradict each other is a myth. Sad thing is that we live by this myth and thereby wearing out our relationship. Move your position horizontally spouse and no sound levels is the most efficient way to transfer information so that they understand and accept it. When we raise the voice or blame our mate he will naturally and legitimately defensive position. Defensive position he can not at all understanding us. I will ask you the next time you take blame as in "You're the one who makes it all the time, how can you complain about the time I did this?" Or similar sentences to remember things I was saying, so he immediately went into a defensive position and could never really listen or try to understand what you said.
Taking possible conflict:
"It was three in the morning. I wanted to sit down for dinner both at last. I asked a thousand times not to come out until hours later so!"
- "What? It's not that late. Besides, you go out many times late .."
"But I asked you to come back earlier because I miss a meal together."
- "What can I do you're coming back so late from work?"
"I do not believe you said that! I need to bring money so we can keep the apartment, we can sleep at night without worries, and we could have dinner together!"
The conversation quickly came to both blame each other in myriad ways, very quickly the conversation turned to topics that included not related to why the conversation began in the first place. I stopped the fight at a very initial but we can already imagine where it could get. We can easily see this fight will be different issues such as membership of the woman or the man's boss and normal non-work hours his ". It can also go to the economic situation and who to blame. Both partners in this situation had gone defensive position rather than trying to even understand each other, the only thing they want is to get as many other bad so they come out as good as possible. Needless to say it was a bid to fail because none of them is not going to give up.
Let's see another call, this time the man has undergone a process of true understanding of conflicts:
"I waited for you. I wanted to have dinner. For a long time we did not eat together."
- "I'm tired, maybe tomorrow."
"I asked you not to leave until so late. I understand you're with friends, and hard to leave in the middle because it's fun. I have that happen, it happens to everybody. I appreciate your effort, but really important to me tomorrow night so we can sit at eleven dinner. "
- "But I can not stay awake at home and wait for you get at eleven."
"I know, but I made the effort for you and I waited until 3 ... I believe you could make an effort to wait for me till eleven, right?"
- "I'll try, wake me if I fall asleep."
Sounds that tomorrow they really eat a nice dinner together, and the night was over not too bad compared to the conflict we have seen before. What has changed is that the man did not blame the woman, but only the city the attention his plight and how concerned he is eating her dinner. When he says that this way is impossible not to make an effort for him, I'm wrong?
The idea is to position the point where you talk about your plight and what bothers you while understanding that the partner is not responsible for this distress. It is something you and your partner have the ability to help. One thing that helps me much personal relationship conflicts that thought is another body alive and well. I believe I am a daughter of the relationship my wife is not alone. This is a system of three bodies - I, my partner and relationship. Relationship needs, is really producing a daughter my wife my life I have created the moment we met. Now we must be attentive to her needs and provide it with them together. Hardship that we are in a relationship, couples are not only crying and suggests that she needs something. How can I go to my partner and accuse her of something? When our month-old child cries when he needs food, we blame each other? No, we care about together to eat something. When one of us felt that something was wrong in relationships had to report it to your partner so that they both think together how to deal with the plight of their relationship, to stop crying. Every need and every matter in dispute and quarrel both partners have the party. The complainant has the responsibility of party conflict, is not the victim or spouse. The only victim in this conflict relationship, and the couple take note and take care of her.
Good luck to us all. :)
"The reason why I can not stay
I had to let you go
After what you did
I can not stay ...
And perhaps I'll feel much better ignored ...
Much time you made me believe
Your love all mine Forever
Tent did not know it was all a sham
And perhaps I'll feel much better ignored
I must say it did not like it used to
And I'm not going to play your games more
After what you did, I can not stay.
And perhaps I'll feel much better ignored ...."
Disputes with our partners is common, especially as this is a healthy relationship. We maybe a little less but parity and intrigue fueled fights. The reason is simple, briefly blocking the possibility that your spouse looks for granted, or forget that he has preferences and principles. In any conflict it is important that both sides will clarify their position and what ails them. The real problem these conflicts is that we are tempted too fast to even get a voice lifts stinging phrases that contribute to resolving the conflict but only hits him. So how is it possible to fight and restrained on the one hand, and on the other side also put our position very well and achieve maximum understanding of our spouse? Actually thought the two things contradict each other is a myth. Sad thing is that we live by this myth and thereby wearing out our relationship. Move your position horizontally spouse and no sound levels is the most efficient way to transfer information so that they understand and accept it. When we raise the voice or blame our mate he will naturally and legitimately defensive position. Defensive position he can not at all understanding us. I will ask you the next time you take blame as in "You're the one who makes it all the time, how can you complain about the time I did this?" Or similar sentences to remember things I was saying, so he immediately went into a defensive position and could never really listen or try to understand what you said.
Taking possible conflict:
"It was three in the morning. I wanted to sit down for dinner both at last. I asked a thousand times not to come out until hours later so!"
- "What? It's not that late. Besides, you go out many times late .."
"But I asked you to come back earlier because I miss a meal together."
- "What can I do you're coming back so late from work?"
"I do not believe you said that! I need to bring money so we can keep the apartment, we can sleep at night without worries, and we could have dinner together!"
The conversation quickly came to both blame each other in myriad ways, very quickly the conversation turned to topics that included not related to why the conversation began in the first place. I stopped the fight at a very initial but we can already imagine where it could get. We can easily see this fight will be different issues such as membership of the woman or the man's boss and normal non-work hours his ". It can also go to the economic situation and who to blame. Both partners in this situation had gone defensive position rather than trying to even understand each other, the only thing they want is to get as many other bad so they come out as good as possible. Needless to say it was a bid to fail because none of them is not going to give up.
Let's see another call, this time the man has undergone a process of true understanding of conflicts:
"I waited for you. I wanted to have dinner. For a long time we did not eat together."
- "I'm tired, maybe tomorrow."
"I asked you not to leave until so late. I understand you're with friends, and hard to leave in the middle because it's fun. I have that happen, it happens to everybody. I appreciate your effort, but really important to me tomorrow night so we can sit at eleven dinner. "
- "But I can not stay awake at home and wait for you get at eleven."
"I know, but I made the effort for you and I waited until 3 ... I believe you could make an effort to wait for me till eleven, right?"
- "I'll try, wake me if I fall asleep."
Sounds that tomorrow they really eat a nice dinner together, and the night was over not too bad compared to the conflict we have seen before. What has changed is that the man did not blame the woman, but only the city the attention his plight and how concerned he is eating her dinner. When he says that this way is impossible not to make an effort for him, I'm wrong?
The idea is to position the point where you talk about your plight and what bothers you while understanding that the partner is not responsible for this distress. It is something you and your partner have the ability to help. One thing that helps me much personal relationship conflicts that thought is another body alive and well. I believe I am a daughter of the relationship my wife is not alone. This is a system of three bodies - I, my partner and relationship. Relationship needs, is really producing a daughter my wife my life I have created the moment we met. Now we must be attentive to her needs and provide it with them together. Hardship that we are in a relationship, couples are not only crying and suggests that she needs something. How can I go to my partner and accuse her of something? When our month-old child cries when he needs food, we blame each other? No, we care about together to eat something. When one of us felt that something was wrong in relationships had to report it to your partner so that they both think together how to deal with the plight of their relationship, to stop crying. Every need and every matter in dispute and quarrel both partners have the party. The complainant has the responsibility of party conflict, is not the victim or spouse. The only victim in this conflict relationship, and the couple take note and take care of her.
Good luck to us all. :)
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